There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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