Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
