I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
