I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
