The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize