I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
