i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
