you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
