Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
