Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
