I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
