and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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