I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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