No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You don't make any sense
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