CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I AM VODKA MAN
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
