My friends, they love my intelligence
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
