My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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