Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
