Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
