I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
