You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
