fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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