dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
