I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
