I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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