We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
