Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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