brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
