i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
