i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
