hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
birth control should be required to get into college
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
