you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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