The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
