he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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