to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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