You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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