My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
