wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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