What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
