Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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