Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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