whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
