This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
