areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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