Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
