And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
