Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
