i permit you to call me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
