what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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