dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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