Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
