woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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