I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
