Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
