we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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