At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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