guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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