Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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