Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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