Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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