Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
