did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
tell me about the fingering
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
