I think I am morally bankrupt
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
