I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
