just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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