Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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