i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
