My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
